1 post tagged “boundaries”

I've been out of commission in blog land for the past few days - we've got stomach flu making its evil presence felt in our house.

This brings me to an observation about  parenthood and children. 

Sometimes it is very difficult figuring out where we  end and they begin.

Case in point, last week Middle Miss started school here in Aussie. Her first day was about as terrible as anyone could imagine it - everything literally went wrong for her. When she came in the door, I knew instantly that things had gone badly amok. As I sat with her while she cried (most of that evening and the next morning too) - bitterly unhappy about her new school - I found myself in tears too. I didn't just 'feel sorry' for her, or just 'empathize' - I felt upset and sad right there with her.

I desperately wanted her first day of school to go well. I want her to settle in a new place (country, home, neighborhood, school system) and feel good about it. I would like her to benefit from the amazing opportunity to live in another country.

 I want her to be happy.

I can do (and did do) some damage control. I can call the school and let them know that they dropped the ball with my kid. She didn't get the support she was promised. No books, no locker, no buddy, no help deciphering her new timetable, no discussion about the sucky elective she was dropped into. I can let the school know as a parent, I am not impressed and I would like more from the school. But I can't make things FEEL good for my kid.

Day two at school went better. She got some help, some books, a locker, some idea about her timetable. She came through the door and I could instantly 'read' she felt at least a little happier. This meant I too, was a little happier.

Today, she is sick. Last one in a family of four to get intimate with our new roommate, the flu. She wasn't sure if she should go into school or not - she's still 'verging' on flu. I was giving her a hug, and I could smell the scent of sick on her. Not because she is throwing up yet, not because there is anything wrong with her hygiene, she had just had a shower to get ready for school - but because I am her mom.

I gave birth and when I did, I got a built in radar that literally lets me smell illness in my child, before she is barfing. Go figure.

Parenthood is a curious trip - it seems we are hardwired to our kids in so many different ways; physically, emotionally, financially, psychically. No wonder it is hard sometimes to know where I end, and they begin. It's not a 'good' thing, or a 'bad' thing - it's just 'a thing'. Ya know?