Observations From The Peak of Merc Retro

Today (June 28th) marks the peak of the current Merc Retro, which is occurring in the sign of Cancer - the mid cycle intensity now amplified by the full moon energies already ebbing in but culminating tomorrow in a Capricorn-ian full moon - emotionality reigns supreme (especially the emotional, internal landscape).

Yippee - are we having fun yet?!

I was reading my horoscope for this week, and was advised to, "Just stay home, and put yourself in quarantine" - and that is exactly what I have been doing. Some call it avoidance, some call it 'opting out' - I call it good sense to know when you're in the midst of a battle you can't possibly win, uncommon good sense to surrender in the face of overwhelming odds.



The question is - what am I really surrendering? The theme of the last couple of weeks is emotional investments and attachments - not only in current relationships but those from the past and also the emotional relationship we have with ourselves - the Capricorn-ian full moon is gonna add a little linear thinking to the emotional soup that people have been swimming in.

For myself its been about observation without the need (or will for that matter) to react or respond to it. I see the emotional elements in play - for me, this retro in Cancer means a lot of family crap has been resurfacing - and while I still have very strong feelings  ... I am also past the point of reflexive reaction.

A favorite astrologer, Kim Marie notes that one of the key demands from this Merc retro in Cancer/Full moon in Capricorn cycle  is emotional maturation (and it becomes readily apparent that age does not correspond to emotional savvy or maturity). She suggests the following question,

" Why have I chosen this particular family environment and what is it that it can teach me?"

My considered response to this question is, I didn't - that is right, did NOT - choose my family on any conscious or meaningful level. I didn't choose my mother, or my father or their extended families complete with individual and collective baggage and bullshit. If I have learned anything - I have learned where to draw the line in the sand between the things I am responsible for and can control - and the things that I can't. That my friends, is emotional maturity.

Further to this - I have learned that all love is conditional. Even (blasphemous as it is to say) the love between parents and children. We can love people - and yet choose to disassociate from them - we can also stop loving people - even if said person gave birth to us, or came from our loins. This while very sad, is also real ....



I am playing about with a new tarot deck, The Osho Zen Tarot (yes I know, darlings - back to my internal war with Eastern Philosophy). Anyhoo - what should leap up earlier today, but the Fool. In the Osho deck, the interpretation runs thus:

A FOOL IS ONE who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. You deceive him, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you. Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.

It made me think of current family dramas - we have one person saying that forgiveness and turning of cheek is 'right action', two others saying, "one who chooses to sleep with snakes deserves to be bit". This is a schism of ideals and ideas ... perhaps of experience. Because someone is family does NOT (in my book) give license to repeated harm against self or those I love. It's not ok.  When someone has a lifetime history of bringing pain - I need to learn from these experiences and I need to protect myself from repeat occurrences.

I will not discount my experience.

Zero is the place occupied by the Fool. It is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.

Well Monty - I'm gonna take Door Number 1 - the one where my past experience and rational mind take precedence over trust and innocence. This too is emotional maturity.


Whatsoever experience comes to you, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning your mind continuously; go on dying to the past so you remain in the present, here-now, as if just born, just a babe.

There is value in this, attachment to experience doesn't leave much room for appreciation of new experience - at the same time, we are not tabula rasa.

This jarring observation may clash for those who would practice the Zen of Now and the understanding of impermanence - or the bog standard Judeo-Christian faith. Sure I can choose to let go of emotional attachment to past experiences (and boy do I). I can choose to forgive those experiences (and the people involved) - I don't, however, let go of the fact or awareness that the experiences happened.

Finally, the pot has been well stirred this Merc Retro with my consideration of the responsibility of those who are Bystanders ... peripherally involved parties who bear witness and for whatever reason remain 'uninvolved'. This may be about fear, it may be about ingrained helplessness, it may be about not wishing to 'choose sides' - however in the face of obvious abuse and ongoing insanity -  Bystanders become complicit participators.

There is another two weeks of Merc retro and I very much doubt I am finished with these musings. My most treasured truism ... more is always revealed.