A Man of Substance

Apr 13, 2008 at 10:56 PM
5 comments

This is where I am.

Talking to air, the way I learned
First and best, when you were
A figment of my imagination,
An instant message
Man.

This is where I am.

5 comments

Comments

[this is good]

I like this relationship poem with the music and photo. Good pairing of mediums. I like the formatting of the piece. There is more there. I could see a striking image at the end. Thanks. Good to see some of your writing this morning.

Lucy

[this is good]

Hi Fiona, I really like "talking to the air, the way I learned" and I agree with Lucy, I think there is more to this poem to be explored. Great photo to accompany the poem.

in progress.......
I love that about you.
Great photo and thought provoking words, as usual.

[this is good]

I like ending and begining on this is where I am.First stanza is perfect, very effective and brutal. The second stanza needs a concrete image or reference, rather than a thought about truth. In the first stanza I read that the romance started online and is in trouble flesh-to-flesh. Maybe the poem needs to get fleshy, get to the awkward body to body and the distance that often happens in relationships, whether they start online or not.

Lucy

I too, like the initial placement of 'this is where I am'. Like an open palm slamming onto a table, but silently.

A Man of Substance

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