One of the hardest lessons that I've learned - and still reminding myself of - is that I'm worth it.
It's been on my heart and mind to sit down and talk with my aunt. I love my aunt, even in the midst of her flaws. After all, who am I to judge. Yet, it saddens me that at her age (she's edging closer to 50) somewhere deep down she doesn't feel like she is worth it. Granted, it's not my job to "fix it," but Lord knows I wish I could. I wish I could open her eyes to a lot of things about her self worth. Ironically, some of it is partly what she has inspired on me or shown me.
My own lessons of self worth developed before I had my daughter. I attracted quasi-decent guys; meaning I always looked at their social status, figured in how they would "complete" me (sorta speak) while carrying the "independent woman" sign with the disclaimer "I just want someone to love and be loved in return." Just when I had over extended myself by doing everything for them but jump through a hoop of fire baring a neon sign that says "pick me! I'm the one.." a disconnect would occur. Most of the time I was glutton for punishment and kept trying to force a connection when it was obvious it wasn't even a dial tone on the line.
Since becoming a mom it just seems like the wool has been pulled off my eyes and I see a lot of BS that floats around when it comes to people and relationships. I'm not claiming expert status. Far from that, but just the basic level of obvious bull - who really has time for that? Not I. Still what would it take for my aunt and so many other grown women to see the obvious and not accept it?
I wanna talk now, but things are hot....tense. She won't listen. I need a time to catch her off gaurd. So she has nowhere to hide to and no choice but to listen. Yes, it's time for the aunt to listen to the niece for a change.
All this over a man, that isn't trustworthy and has caused more harm to the FAMILY than good.
updates: the thing was, after spending that much time to get it operationally ready, and plugged in the power before the meeting, somehow, it's not charging the battery, and in the end, i did not really use the laptop... :(
so, i got started installing Windows 7 Home Premium on Sunday, after my daughter's piano lesson, i took her to Funan Centre. There, the iPaq 2210 could only fetch S$20, so I decided to keep it. And so, I bought the Win 7 Home Premium Upgrade for S$219.
The installation on the Fujitsu laptop was quite fast, all except for the fingerprint sensor driver.
but it was not so fast on the Gateway netbook, and here's an account of it:
prior to this, while installing on Fujitsu, I tried the Win 7 64-bit edition, but because I was already in Win Vista 32-bit environment, i could not proceed, other than booting from the disc...but since most of my software are still 32-bits, i went with Win 7 32-bits.
4:51:copy temp files 4:54: copying windows files, expanding 5:04: rebooted, continue to expand 5:15: reboot 5:18: completing installation (i went out for dinner around 5:30, and by the time I came home around 6:38, it had rebooted and did some basic config) 6:38: rebooted, basic config 6:41: downloading drivers (forgot to take note of the various manufacturers...) (oops, lost that MS Works 8.5, it was pre-installed) 7:00: unzipping, installing win7 drivers (network card drivers, bluetooth) 7:19: installing AVG 7:20: Synaptics 8:16: need to look for the ATI video drivers, otherwise no AERO! 8:53: Stupid! Should have just use Windows Update to get that video driver!! 9:06: Done! 9:14: installing iTunes, etc. 1:16: quite done so, between 1:16 to 2am, i managed to get my Gateway netbook operationally ready for Monday. The key software being MS Office which I had installed MS Office 2010 Technical Preview. However, last night, i realised that i had also bought MS Office 2007, and uninstalled the Technical Preview and switched back to 2007 version... installation was quite fast, the major part is to get the drivers and installing the softwares.
Are you prepared in case of a natural disaster? What do your plan and preparations include?
lol, what a strange question! Are we expecting one then?
I'm obsessive compulsive enough thanks. If I start worrying about potential natural disasters I'll be a nervous wreck.
Although, we are going to Thailand at christmas time, and I must admit that the thought has crossed my mind as I run on the treadmill each morning, that'll I'll be right to run a long way up into the mountains if a tsunami hits. Maybe even carrying one small child on my back. Which rules out my kids because they're all much bigger than me. Which is good because I won't have to do the Sophies Choice thing.
Remember when everyone was freaking out about the Y2K thing? I said to Daz, maybe we should stock up on food. And when the year 2000 clicked over with no problems I looked in the laundry and we had stocked one bottle of water and a 4 pack of baked beans. It was a pretty piss poor effort really. We'd have lasted a morning.
I think to be prepared for a natural disaster the best thing you can do is forget about supplies and just stock up on weapons. Lots of guns and ammo. Thats your best bet, because you're going to have to kill a lot of crazy desperate people to get to the supermarket and the bottle shop. Maybe even zombies. I'm not sure what sort of disaster we're talking about. Oh yes,there they are, I wasn't looking properly. No zombies, so that makes it a bit easier.
And nail polish. Stock up on nail polish. Because new nail polish always makes you feel better.
My new bottles arrived in the mail the other day.
I'm wearing blue at the moment. But I'm wishing I'd picked Calypso.
I was walking home - desperately - from work one day, shuddering with my disinterest, when I looked up and saw a simple composition floating in the impatient sky. All of the elements were ruled by astronomy, so as each second passed, they were shifted by a celestial sleight-of-hand.
I saw a crescent moon, hanging in the sky like a slice from a ghostly fruit. A rag of cloud, the color of sweetness - apricots, irises - was pulled across the pale lunar fraction. The sky was a gentle product of the negotiation between daylight and sunset: a lavender agreement.
The sky assembles visions like this every evening. It is common drink. But I would dare anyone to take a sip from this vignette ordinaire and not return home happy and reeling.
Friday Night.
Georgetown...
Opening Night for Foto Week DC. Drinks pouring. Beautiful people around. Me and Kel conversing and bumping to the ecclectic mellow mix of house music. Tasty spread of hor'dorves. Floating from one gallery to the next. Photography on display at five different galleries. New York, Cuba, Uganda, AIDS, 9/11, DC school children, the normal, the interesting. Topics are soft to intense. Chocolate doorman on gaurd. Looking to be Secret Service. Our eyes lock. Smiles exchanged. Ahhhh. I'm taken. Night fall air. I'm without much care. Celebrating Kel's job offer from earlier in the day. Me? Celebrating life and perhaps the realization graduation is closely becoming a reality.
Unknown hours pass. We have to keep it moving.
Adams Morgan...
Posted up at Soussi. Mediterranean feel. Added company. An Andre 3000 twin. Glasses, Suit, criss cross red and white strip shirt. Tie. Socialite, business man, fellow Bison. Good friend of Kel. Old School Hip Hop. Whatcha know about Lords of the Underground? Camp Lo? Tribe Called Quest? Martinis flowing. Paella tasting great. Black, White, Mediterranean, etc. taking hits from choosen hookah. Conversing about politics, current personal biz, straight up business. Pass the business cards to him, him and her. Another epic center or nerve where the bohemians of all backgrounds collab.
Again, unknown hours pass. We have to close tab and keep it moving.
The Triangle...
Andre 3000 Twin leads us to a mini after party. His connects is with Ozios. Club shuts down at 2 am, but a core group of Ethiopians still partying, including the connect. Someone got engaged. Champange flowing. Dancing in full effect. White guy comes over. Introduces himself. Said that he noticed Kel and I come in and thought we were the sexiest ones in the place. A line? Yes. Still, all he wanted was a dance. How could I refuse?
Unknown time passes. We shut it down.
Benning Ridge...
Home. Lured to sleep by the sounds of Papi's voice who called to make sure I got home ok.
photos taken from susan elsagir.
me myself and i on a b/w trip.
i'm on a grey-scale or better black/whit trip. i think it is a phase because i'm so fascinated by all the masters of photography that i currently can't do anything against it... than taking b/w-shots too...
i will live that phase... what can i do else... until i edore the colorful ones again...
susan.
fatih on his bike.
spontaneous visit last year...
what a good looking biker... :-)
photos taken by susan.
I admit to being a Denise Austin fan. Even though she never shuts up. And she always lies. But you get used to that. I now know that when she says
just one more
She doesn't really mean just one more. She means just that one more then a few more after that.
I've been doing the Fat Blasting Yoga dvd. Its pretty strenuous. And just when you think its over she brings out the stability ball and does another 15 minutes.
When I first started doing it a few weeks ago my legs would be wobbling and shaking from the effort but now I'm pretty good. My thighs feel like they're packed with cement actually. Jem was feeling them the other night and said I'll be able to crack coconuts with them. Which I guess could come in handy someday.
And I've lost 5 kilos which is also pretty handy. 4 more to go. But my aim is really firmness. I want to firm up all those bits that start going soft after 40. You know where they are. Triceps, back fat over the bra, thighs, well lots of places really.
And I made this magnet a couple of years ago when I was trying to lose weight and I think its time to put it back on the fridge to help the cause. Because she's 52 and looks pretty damn fine. And firm. Thats my aim. To be fitter at 50 than ever before. So I have 5 years up my sleeve.
"taking a photo is like stealing a second, a moment from somebody.
so you have to share it after you have taken it."
henri cartier-bresson.
und danke an mr. "d" für die inspiration. ;-)
in a train. romania 1975
mexico 1934
Henri Cartier-Bresson
Photo Dmitri Kessel./Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images
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